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A Touch of Humor

Window's 98 recall

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the West Virginia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside of West Virginia. 
If you have one of the West Virginia editions, you may need some help understanding the commands. This edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. 
Also note the 'Recycle Bin' is labeled Outhouse, 'My Computer' is called This Infernal Contraption, 'Dialup Networking' is called Good Ol' Boys, Control Panel' is known as the Dern Dashboard, 'Hard Drive' is referred to as 4 wheel drive, and floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs. 
Other features: 
Instead of a error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape. 
OK = ats aww-right 
cancel = hail no 
reset = awa shoot 
yes = shore 
no = Naaaa 
find = hunt-fer it 
go to = over yonder 
back = back yonder 
help = hep me out here 
stop = ternit off 
start = crank it up 
settings = sittins 
programs = stuff at does stuff
documents = stuff I done done 
Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or 
punctuation marks. 
Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98 
tiperiter...........A word processor 
colering book.......a graphics program 
addin mershene......calculator 
outhouse paper .....notepad 
jupe-box ...........CD Player 
iner-net............Netscape Or Microsoft Internet Explorer 
pichers.............A graphics viewer 
IRS.................M/S accounting software 
IRS2................M/S accounting software with hidden files 
coon dog............American kennel club records 
fishin..............Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records. 
NRA.................National Rifle Association 
shot gun ...........Remington Arms price list 
riffel..............Winchester price list 
pisstel.............Smith & Wesson price list 
truck...............Ford & Chevrolet dealers by zip code 
house...............Nearest Mobile home repair service by zip code 
car ................same as truck just need two list 
cuzzins.............family history usually a 3 meg file 
tax records.........usually an empty file 
shells..............ammunition inventory another 3 meg file 
bud.................list of Budwiser dealers by zip code 
rasin...............NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV 
stations that carry the race car n truck 
Parts...............nearest Junk yard by zip code 
doc ................veterinarians by zip code 

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of this edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. 
 

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